putting the pieces back together

i was hanging out in my old neighborhood with a close friend the other day, and the commute home depressed me, and was just a reminder that my life has changed so much and so quickly. sometimes i feel like i broke my life or my life was broken and i'm struggling to put the pieces back together. it just made me miss the days when i felt like i was in control, and everything was transpiring as it was supposed to. but i guess, in retrospect, everything wasn't proceeding along because then it would still be like that. i really do believe that everything in life happens for a reason so i can't, in good conscience, disavow that now because i don't like where my life is. but in a way, i keep trying to tell myself that my life isn't that bad, and that it could be worse. i'm not homeless so that's a plus. and i was miserable at my last job; every day was just another in a string of gray, boring days and i felt like a zombie going through the motions. i was unhappy from day one, which was sad and depressing because on paper, it was supposed to be my dream job. so at least i don't have to go to the bad place, although going to the bad place guaranteed me a paycheck, which i don't have at the moment, and sorely miss. but i keep telling myself that i will enjoy my next job, that going there every day won't be painful, that just thinking about going there every day won't set me on edge or tie my stomach in knots, that i won't dislike most of the people i work with, but instead respect and like my coworkers. i keep telling myself that that's how things will happen, and that they will happen soon.