these things take time...

i have a third interview at a company. i'm really excited about it because hey, they liked me enough to bring me back so i'm hoping that i do well and i get an offer. but i'm also really intimidated by it because of the titles of the people i'm meeting with. i'm trying to tell myself that i'm smart, creative and talented and that i will do well, but i'm not feeling very good about myself. the last 4 months have sort of decimated myself esteem, and even before that while working at avon, i wasn't feeling that great either.

Avon was the company for women, but it wasn't the company for me. i hated that place and couldn't stand most of the people. i didn't always love macys or the people, but i could respect them. it seemed everyone always wanted to do their best--ok, most people--and turn out the best work they could. i respond to that. i was lucky to work with a lot of talented and smart people at macys.com. at avon it just felt like people were going through the motions, like they couldn't be bothered. no one wanted to be accountable for anything. everything was so unorganized. i remember on my first day being so confused because there weren't dates on the schedule. no dates, can you imagine? how am i supposed to work like that? how am i supposed to know when my copy is due? my copy is due in june? great, but when in june? how can i be organized and prioritize my work when i don't have a date? and putting a blue in june to tell me my copy is due, doesn't help. my copy is due in blue. thanks. i can't work like that. don't give me colors; colors don't help me. dates help me. give me a date. so yeah, i am not so happy about not being there. i never felt valued there and it seemed like every idea i had was shot down. i'm not perfect, but i'm not a moron either. that was just not the place for me.

i'm ready to work. i used to hate getting up in the morning because i'd have to go to work; now i hate getting up in the morning because i have no place to go. ironic, right? i just want a job where i feel good about the work that i am doing, where i feel like i am contributing, where i can feel good about going every single day.

i just need to believe the right place is out there, and that i'm going to find it.