the timeline thus far...

since october 2009 i got laid off, was accused of hitting on a friend's boyfriend (i didn't and would never), packed up my apartment to move back home, saw a really good friend move to new zealand and was accused of being a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that, but i'm not).

so i'm a jobless, boyfriend-stealing, lesbian who lives at home.

cheers to me.

the path train every day might have really sucked...

so i didn't get the diapers.com job, which sucks because after 2 trips to montclair, nj and one to jersey city, i was really hoping for an offer. once again, i'm more disappointed about the fact that i still don't have a job than not getting the job itself. so maybe that says something. and while the trip to jersey city wasn't the worst commute in the world, i could see it getting old rather quickly. maybe it was for the best. who knows. i keep telling myself that a great job i'll love with people i like, earning more than i did at avon is out there for me.

what was super annoying about the whole diapers.com job is that i had to follow up with them twice to find out that they hired someone else, "but i'm still a good candidate for another position..." or so i am paraphrasing. just man up and let me know you went with someone else. in the long run, i don't know that either would have been ideal for me, but i would have had my own team eventually so that was the attractive, dangling carrot. oh well. i have two more interviews this week; i'm not sure where they will lead, but onward and upward, right?

fortune smiles upon you

i just ate delicious chinese take-out, which was a surprise in and of itself and i thought i'd share my fortune with you. normally, i love fortunes; it's a better treat than the damn stale cookie by a long run. and tonight's really tickled my funny bone.

"if you're feeling down, try throwing yourself into your work."


happy belated effing chinese new year.

the power of positive thinking

in the last two days two different people have asked me if i thought about switching fields.


because it's that easy in the biggest economic downturn of our lives, when jobs in nyc are down about 10%, and in the last year, the city lost about 160,000 jobs, i just figured that i'd switch careers.

because it's that easy.

i mean seriously? i feel like i'm on an SNL skit, particularly the really!?! skit during the news with seth meyer.

i mean, i don't know what to say to that except for counting to about a hundred, gritting my teeth and thinking that the person i'm talking with is lobotomized. i mean really!?! now, i've been a straight-up copywriter since 2003; i have digital and print experience; i've worked my way up from junior to senior, and i've trained people. i have a good resume and a good portfolio. i'm good at my job, and it's been a struggle for me to get a job. i've been lucky that i have interviews. and everyone with half a brain cell knows that right now it's an employers' job market; there are so many people out of work that they can take their time and pick and choose.

so if i am having trouble in an area that i am actually quite good at and have a lot of experience, why would someone hire me in another field? much less look at my resume?

i mean, i don't know. maybe it's me. maybe i'm being narrow-minded and bitter and more. it just doesn't make sense to me. and i know that you're trying to help, but i just can't even with that. another friend today told me that it was all about my PMA (positive mental attitude), and while for the most part i do agree with that, my other side is telling her to suck it because it's easy to talk PMA when you haven't been unemployed the last 5 months and back living at home.

i'll be unsubscribing to dailycandy ASAP

found out last night i didn't get the job at dailycandy.com, which is disappointing. the person i interviewed with seemed cool, the corporate culture seemed laidback, the office was in a gorgeous loft and the people seemed young and hip. i was even told that you could bring small dogs to the office. that right there made me want the job more than anything. although i did want the job for all the reasons listed above. i thought it would be a cool place to work and i figured i would like what i was doing. and the atmosphere was such a 180 from avon that it made the job even more appealing.

the guy i interviewed with said he liked my writing samples and writing style, and even told me he didn't think i'd have a problem with the copy test. and i felt like i did well on the interview too although there was one weird question, which has been replaying itself in my brain. he asked me how i would feel about being managed, which i thought was odd. who asks that? i mean, unless you're the president of the company or the CEO or something, everyone has a manager. and even if you're the president or the CEO, you're answering to someone, a board, a committee, something. so i thought that was weird. i mean, in the workplace, you always answer to someone. so what was up with that?

i don't know what the deal is because i thought i did well on the interview and the writing test so i don't know why i didn't get the job. and that is making me more insecure than ever. maybe i didn't do as well as i thought? maybe it wasn't the right fit for me. maybe our personalities didn't mesh. he did mention that he thought i was overqualified so maybe that's it. i don't know. i am trying to figure out what the deal was and why i didn't get the job. and to be honest, i didn't ask the HR person because 1--some people are weird about that. i don't know that they are going to be honest with me and 2--even if they are, it's subjective. so do i want that to throw me off balance for my next interview when i am already feeling off?

yeah, i don't think so.

you're a mean one, ms. grinch

i've never had a problem with the grinch. he's green and he looks like a kitty; what's not to like? i know it's a little bit weird to be talking about the grinch when it's march and the weather is starting to take on the first hints of spring, but he's the cultural figure i find the most relevant right now. i can't help it, but right now i feel like the grinch. i've been in a bad mood since october 8, 2009, since i got called into the conference room and was told my position was being eliminated. at least it feels that way. and the worst part is that i struggle to find enough joy and happiness to celebrate other people's good moments. engagements, babies, birthdays? i've got nothing for you. god, i hate that feeling. logically, i know i need to snap out of it; there's enough joy and abundance in the universe for everyone. and i'm not a bad person, but i just don't have it in me.

today is my third interview. i hope i do well.

i think i've figured out what to wear.

random thoughts

i think the hardest part about being back at home at 34 is that i feel like i am a kid all over again and i have less freedom than i am used to. it's so weird and it sucks. and i feel like i have to keep reenforcing the fact that i'm not a kid anymore. i feel reactive and at the same time, i feel like i need to keep setting boundaries.

how many more times can i use the phrase "i feel"? strangely emotional these days, which i guess makes sense.

i have my third interview at the same company tomorrow; trying not to be nervous or intimidated. on a shallow note, i'm not sure what to wear. have an interview with a recruiter on wednesday; we'll see how that goes. i've never had that much luck with recruiters, but maybe this will be a good thing. just sent an email follow-up about an interview this week so hopefully, i will hear something soon. i sent my thank-you card to the amazing guy i met on friday. i really, really hope that something comes from that.

trying to get motivated to get on the treadmill. i might as well make some good use of the time on my hands--aside from catching up on ncis.