sweet relief

third interview. offer. that simple.

i officially received an offer and i accepted. sent back the paperwork and everything. i have a job. the search is over, at least for the time being.

i have a job. and i don't feel like a loser anymore. i'm not as fearful, nervous, anxious, sensitive, angry, sad, depressed, resentful, afraid, sullen or hateful as i've been feeling the last few months.

i finally have a job. and it literally took 2 weeks. can you imagine? i've been looking for almost 6 months. my last day at avon was on 10.22.09 and i start my new gig 4.19.10. i had my first interview on a tuesday or wednesday, my second interview the following tuesday, my third interview friday with a copy test in between. i got my offer at the end of the third interview. i just don't even know what to say. right now what i am feeling is mostly relief, shock and awe. it was literally all buttoned-up in 2 weeks while i spent the last 6 losing my sanity.

so there you go. i am employed. ha-lle-friggin-lu-ja.

so that last interview was pretty bad, mostly because i was locked in a stuffy room like a dog, driving myself crazy and waiting to get to the next step of my interview. i wonder do people do this to break you down? i mean, i know that's a little bit paranoid and everyone is so busy at work, blah blah blah busy-cakes, but seriously? waiting for an hour to get to the next step of the interview? and when i inquired if i should still be waiting, i was told that she was stuck on the phone. ok, fine, it happens--i don't really think so, but i'll go with it--so how about someone coming in to tell me to just relax and sit tight because so and so is blah blah blah. wouldn't that be nice? listen here, if it's some strange, corporate-hazing ritual, that's fine. i'm down with that. just let me know so that i can adjust my mental thought patterns, you know?

i got a copy test that same night, which was a pretty tall order: 2 big advertorials that they wanted by midday the next day. ok, i can do that. it might be tough, but i can do that.

bread and water, please!

so i had another interview the other day--second as a matter of fact, which is good--and i realize the thing that trips me up. i'm a babbling fool. yep. i mean, i always knew this about myself; i knew i did it in social situations when i was feeling awkward, but i'm realizing it more and more that i do it on interviews out of nervousness. i am not a good interviewee naturally, i am not a good shmoozer; i just don't have that gift. i am nervous and insecure and afraid and desperate. i want a job. i need a job. i feel like i'm walking a tightrope and in a few steps, i am going to plummet to my death. which leads me to my most recent interview...

first part goes well, which i'm relieved and even a little surprised about. i was so nervous, especially because i get off the elevator and there's no reception area. i'm waiting and waiting and going a little crazy, thinking to myself, i'm here on time--early, actually, which is a miracle in and of itself because i'm never early for anything!--and no one is going to know that because no one is coming to let me in, and it will seem like i'm late. and my thoughts were coming about a mile a minute and i was in the middle of a freakout because it's been a good ten minutes, and i'm just sitting there waiting. so i finally knock on the glass doors and some poor guy came over and was basically like what the hell do you want? weird, i know, but i'm so glad that i knocked on the door like the little matchstick girl because the person i was interviewing with forgot i was coming in today. awesome. i was supposed to ask for the HR person, and i did, but have yet to meet her. totally odd.

so first part of the interview goes well and i'm supposed to wait for the VP of blah blah blah. ok, great! 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 35 minutes...and the whole time i'm freaking out because i am wondering if i'm actually supposed to still be there. did they forget about me? are they blowing me off? what's going on? 40 minutes, 45 minutes....

are they testing my patience to see how long i can wait or are they testing my initiative to see if i will speak up? yes, i am completely driving myself crazy. the whole time i felt myself becoming more and more anxious and a bit panicky. the room was stuffy and i was getting warmer and warmer. it reminded me of back in the day when i would get random panic attacks. i literally felt my rational thought pattern unraveling. i kind of felt like i was a suspect on NCIS waiting for Gibbs to come and interrogate me. so after an hour of me losing my mind, the VP of bad manners comes in and we start the interview. unfortunately for me, i just can't snap back or pull it together, and all my thoughtful, prepared answers go out the window. and i know that i am tanking this because i can see it all over her face. and i just feel like crap, so i finally tell her i can show her what i can do if she gives me a copy test because at this point, i am having trouble focusing my thought patterns and i'm a babbling idiot. i felt like i was having an out-of-body experience because i could see myself babbling on and on, and i heard my own voice watching from a distance telling myself to shut the hell up.

the timeline thus far...

since october 2009 i got laid off, was accused of hitting on a friend's boyfriend (i didn't and would never), packed up my apartment to move back home, saw a really good friend move to new zealand and was accused of being a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that, but i'm not).

so i'm a jobless, boyfriend-stealing, lesbian who lives at home.

cheers to me.

the path train every day might have really sucked...

so i didn't get the diapers.com job, which sucks because after 2 trips to montclair, nj and one to jersey city, i was really hoping for an offer. once again, i'm more disappointed about the fact that i still don't have a job than not getting the job itself. so maybe that says something. and while the trip to jersey city wasn't the worst commute in the world, i could see it getting old rather quickly. maybe it was for the best. who knows. i keep telling myself that a great job i'll love with people i like, earning more than i did at avon is out there for me.

what was super annoying about the whole diapers.com job is that i had to follow up with them twice to find out that they hired someone else, "but i'm still a good candidate for another position..." or so i am paraphrasing. just man up and let me know you went with someone else. in the long run, i don't know that either would have been ideal for me, but i would have had my own team eventually so that was the attractive, dangling carrot. oh well. i have two more interviews this week; i'm not sure where they will lead, but onward and upward, right?

fortune smiles upon you

i just ate delicious chinese take-out, which was a surprise in and of itself and i thought i'd share my fortune with you. normally, i love fortunes; it's a better treat than the damn stale cookie by a long run. and tonight's really tickled my funny bone.

"if you're feeling down, try throwing yourself into your work."


happy belated effing chinese new year.

the power of positive thinking

in the last two days two different people have asked me if i thought about switching fields.


because it's that easy in the biggest economic downturn of our lives, when jobs in nyc are down about 10%, and in the last year, the city lost about 160,000 jobs, i just figured that i'd switch careers.

because it's that easy.

i mean seriously? i feel like i'm on an SNL skit, particularly the really!?! skit during the news with seth meyer.

i mean, i don't know what to say to that except for counting to about a hundred, gritting my teeth and thinking that the person i'm talking with is lobotomized. i mean really!?! now, i've been a straight-up copywriter since 2003; i have digital and print experience; i've worked my way up from junior to senior, and i've trained people. i have a good resume and a good portfolio. i'm good at my job, and it's been a struggle for me to get a job. i've been lucky that i have interviews. and everyone with half a brain cell knows that right now it's an employers' job market; there are so many people out of work that they can take their time and pick and choose.

so if i am having trouble in an area that i am actually quite good at and have a lot of experience, why would someone hire me in another field? much less look at my resume?

i mean, i don't know. maybe it's me. maybe i'm being narrow-minded and bitter and more. it just doesn't make sense to me. and i know that you're trying to help, but i just can't even with that. another friend today told me that it was all about my PMA (positive mental attitude), and while for the most part i do agree with that, my other side is telling her to suck it because it's easy to talk PMA when you haven't been unemployed the last 5 months and back living at home.